To the lady whose life has been blown apart

I see you. Lying in your bed in a foetal position, hugging yourself so tightly because right now, you feel as though you are completely alone.

I hear you sobbing (quietly, so that your children don’t hear). 

A few days ago, your world was completely different.

They came and took it all away.

I understand you.

You don’t know who to trust, who to believe. Where to turn.  What do you feel right now? It’s hard to tell. Anger, shock, betrayal, confusion, numbness, denial, agony?

Feel anything you need to feel – everything is valid.

You feel like it’s your fault, why didn’t you know? Perhaps if you had been a better person, perhaps if you had tried harder…

You’ve done your best, my friend, it’s not your fault, you couldn’t have known. Please be gentle with yourself.

You hate him. It’s his fault. You love him. It’s not.

You don’t have to decide right now. Take your time.

The friends who have left you, the family who don’t understand - they have let you down in your darkest hour.

They have. In time, they may think differently. It’s a lot to process. Others may not. You will be ok without them even if right now it feels too much.

If he had died or had an affair you would have support. Anything but this.

It’s true, people don’t know what to say or do. There’s no guidebook – neither for you or for them.

You hate the police. It’s their fault. It’s not their fault but you hate them anyway.

I understand you. They’re adding to your pain, making things harder.

You wish that social services would p*ss off, go and bother someone else who needs their help. You hate them too.

You need help but they’re not helping you; they have scrutinised you, making things worse.

Is anything real?  What will people think? How can you face the world again?

One day you will. For now, breathe. Just put one foot in front of the other. Keep your body going.

The shame is overwhelming right now.

It’s not your shame, my friend.

Why is this stuff out there? Why is it even online?

You’ve been let down in so many ways.

You feel as though your life is over. What’s the point? Nothing makes sense anymore.

Anything would have been better than this. You feel as though it would be better if you disappear altogether. Escape from this endless hell.

You don’t know me yet, we haven’t met.

I can tell you that things won’t always be this way. You’re not alone, even if it feels like you are right now.

Life will be worth living again. For everything lost, something will be gained.

Friends you don’t know yet will surround you with love, kindness and care. You can look at the world with new eyes.

You will of course become aware of the depths of humanity - things that you never wanted to know about – but you will feel of the strength of humanity too.

Your capacity to endure and survive this trauma will astound you. You will get through this, my friend. Slowly, carefully.

Remember to take care of yourself, continue to hold yourself tightly.

There is light; the world will embrace you and you will embrace it again too.

A new, different life will emerge.

Stability, warmth and love – these things will never leave you, even if right now they have been rocked.

Hold on to what you value because enduring this awful unasked-for journey will mean that you arrive at a new, clearer destination.

I know these things.

Five and a half year ago I was you.

You are me.